If They Can Pee Oil, Can They Crap Gold?

Alright, first off, I stole this picture from Engadget.com, where I first read about this story.

Apparently scientists have genetically tweaked bacteria, similar to E. coli, into secreting an oil that is almost usable for cars right out of their butt (if they have a "butt"). With some minor processing of their secretion, it can be used for basically anything crude oil can. They are referring to this new way to attain oil, in our computerized world, as Oil 2.0. Following this will be water 2.0 (no wetness required), Air 2.0 (no breathing required), and Fire 2.0 (It's not even hot!).

The scientists say that these strans of E. coli-like bacteria, which they will be mass producing like crazy (how do you do that with living organisms? Do you play Barry White 24/7?), will be non-pathogenic. Even so, a factory the size of Chicag filled with bacteria that pee oil just seems like the premise for a bad science fiction movie.

One of the more interesting points to this otherwise bland story (yeah right!), is that Oil 2.0 is actually carbon negative. This means that the carbon smoke you see coming out of those big semis, making you want to cover your nose and tear up for mother nature, will actually be decreasing the overall carbon in our world, compared to the carbon used (diminished) in the process with making the oil. I guess that means that Oil 2.0 is usable just like Oil 1.0 was, but is different chemically, as shown be it's carbon emissions.

This certainly sounds good, but here's a good question. When you compare Oil 2.0's negative carbon emissions to the electric or hydrogen alternative which has essentially no carbon emissions (although there probably are in the process of creating electricity or hydrogen, but still much less), will this really become a fast enough solution to the global environmental crisis? As Americans we will eat this up because it means we don't need to buy new cars or use our cars less or change much of anything, except how much we pay at the pump (which they estimate would be a third of what we pay now); however, real environmental scientists may not see this as our best option. I mean think about it if we are way over carbonated in our world/atmosphere, and it's of utmost imprtance to lower that ASAP, this Oil 2.0 may get us there in 50 years, where hydrogen r electric could get us there in 10. I pulled those numbers out of my butt, but it's fair to reason that hydrogen/electric would allow us to arrive at that destinatin much faster than Oil 2.0.

Also, they decided not to use food crops to feed these bacteria, which don't seem too picky as to what they eat (they are strictly vegan though!). After seeing how ethanol using corn is destroying our food prices, that's a smart move. I still am concerned that generating enough oil 2.0 for the U.S. would require more resources than our waste vegetables would currently allow. They will have to produce, and a portion of our countries farms would have to be geared to crops for oil bugs. I guess it's not so bad, but stuff always goes wrong. Like...

Mutated bacteria getting out into the world, crapping their crude oil all over the place. Native Americans everywhere will shed single tears, and punk kids with lighters will incinerate large areas of "pooped on" land. These bacteria will mate with E. coli, since they're kissing cousins, and infect the American population with their own sickening, oil producing abilities. And you know that stuff will burn on the way out. We will truly be able to light a fart like never before. And that's all we'll do. Sit around lighting crazy fart explosions. Thus is the fate of humanity.

I think the whole idea is genius. I am hesitant to having the next "Big Oil" being a company with "Big Oil 2.0." Ultimately it will become what it always does. A business holding the American people by the throat and dictating what our future will be. Is there a way around that, I don't know. But as always, technology is very interesting, bringing hope for solutions to problems, but also potential for corruption and destruction.