Conscious

Life from the Center is a life of unhurried peace and power. It is simple. It is serene. It is amazing. It is triumphant. It is radiant. It takes no time, but it occupies all our time. And makes our life programs new and overcoming.

- Thomas Kelly

I'm not really on vacation, but life has felt much more like a vacation recently. We'll see how long it keeps up. It's not all a lack of work, because (for instance) I worked about 12 hours yesterday. But life just isn't so stressful or rushed like it was. I do what I need to, but I can "stop and smell the roses" along the way.

I'm reading a really great book right now called "Freedom of Simplicity" by Richard Foster. I am being challenged in the way I live, think, and understand simplicity. One of the parts of the book I read recently spoke of Frank Laubach's "Game with Minutes." In this "game" Frank would see how many minutes out of an hour he could be conscious of God's presence. Every day in his journal he'd put "Conscious 25%" or "Conscious 70%" etc. He would figure out what percentage of his day he was actually actively being conscious of God. It's an amazing and convicting challenge, one that even the mention of would send many of us downcast, due to the fact that we realize how seemingly unavoidably distracted we are to God throughout the majority of our day, and therefore life. I know for me, it's a blessing if I randomly remember to thank God for being good, while I drive mindlessly to my next appointment from time to time.

I want to challenge myself to this task. I want to take such a task seriously if I should attempt it. Coming into mental preparation, I realize to be conscious would mean to severely lessen or eliminate the mind-dulling substances of our modern age. It means an effort to turn the TV from sketch comedy, sitcoms, and pointless fictional dramas. Or better yet, to turn the TV off. It means putting a bridle on my mind, and training it to focus. It means dominating my laziness and turning it into purposed action, that feeds simplicity.

Is it pathetic that all of these seem like too much and make me want to scratch the idea?

Now I'm not saying I can never watch TV, even pointless TV. I'm not saying I can't zone out and think of nothing (since that's definitely a good thing from time to time). But what I am saying is this, we are more overboard than we realize in our distractions. Our minds are shutting down to the extent that we (me included) are oblivious to it. Just ask those who have trained their minds, they'll give you evidences of how far we've drifted into LaLa Land.

If God occupies all of heaven and earth, shouldn't he occupy my thoughts as well? Would I not benefit from a closer relationship with the Guy who has it all under His control? Would I not be a more effective minister to the Gospel if I allowed His Word to permeate all my actions, in a living and conscious manner?

As it is, there is division. There is time for what God wants, and time for what Steve wants. I know this is wrong, but I am very content with it... until I wake myself up. Until I reminisce the sweet taste of eternity, I am content in my blissful ignorance. Try the challenge. See how conscious of God you can be throughout the day. Be diligent in your attempts and see how things improve.

Logotherapy

I'm bored.

What a horrendous utterance! But it's true. I'm completely bored. I have lots I can and should be doing, yet I'm not. I have no will to meaning right now; well, I'm not realizing that meaning currently at least.

I read a book recently called Man's Search for Meaning. I highly recommend it!

Meaning should be the driving force in our lives. Without meaning, why do we continue to live? Why do we not take our own lives? Perhaps the apathy and lethargy that has seeped into our pores is often the very thing keeping us from suicide; our lack of decisiveness to even kill ourselves. Or perhaps it's the artificial, superficial highs of life that keep us distracted from the severe lows that unavoidably follow... at. least sometimes

By comparison, most would probably say that I live a life of meaning and purpose. And I often do. But it's hard to live in a blazing house without getting burned. Naturopaths say that the acidic nature of our bodies is the underlying cause of much of the disease we encounter. That if we would just eat to properly alkalize the pH of our body, many of the health issues that ale us, would disappear.

I run into many people who know their diet is awful. They are convicted to change it, but they don't. Knowledge is of no benefit to these people. I see the same thing in life issues. I have many friends who know the lifestyle they are living is killing them physically, mentally, morally, spiritually, or all of the above, yet they continue to live this way. And I'm not excluded.

My point is, understanding meaning does nothing if you are continually surrounded by lifestyle pollution. Excessive entertainment, lack of rewarding labor, rampant sexuality, a dearth of moral absolutes, disbelief in an ultimate being (God), disregard for our physical health, consumerism, superficiality, short attention spans, great faith in politics/government, idolatry of celebrities are all examples of pollutants that make it nearly impossible to have a truly worthwhile existence.

We accomplish very little, and the things we do accomplish are often lacking significance in the big scheme of things. We are left asking the question, "Why did I work so hard on that? Was it only for pride?" Or even asking if our accomplishments are helping the world or tearing it apart. Society encourages to not ask these questions, but rather buy into the idea of having fun today! Carpe Diem!!! We do this so much that our later years our destroyed by the effects of our "fun," thus we are ill-equipped to fulfill some basics of man's purpose by the time we're middle-aged. Then we are sorry and bored, rather than vital and progressive.

Living fully requires, I believe, a mixture of interaction and separation. A person must keep oneself free from the toxic effect of society. But man also desires to be courageous, which may require diving into the vat of suffering to save one being eaten alive by despair. Suffering is sometimes not avoidable, and can teach a lot; but suffering sacrificially solidifies a reason of being and inspires the world to find that same reason.

Why so bored? Because I'm closing my eyes. I'm being apathetic today. My work is not giving me meaning because it isn't always making the world better. Because I'm busy playing with expensive toys I've bought, rather than connecting with the least of these. The truth is, the least of these don't even exist when I'm the only one who matters in my world. Today the focus is on me, so unless I'm reason enough (in and by myself) to have meaning, it just will not exist. I need an outside source.

Living Like Jesus? Really?

Hmm, he drops a couple bombshells in there.

I would gain so much persecution from my fellow Christian family members if I ever did this.  Sadly mostly because of the beard.

Hands Full Of Shells

Do you ever just feel like weeping when you realize how far your life is from where you know it ought to be? It's like you can grasp the life that you know is best, but you can't seem to bring yourself to extend your hand.

I am in a guilty, lonely, awful place right now; and yet, my life appears to be going very well. I am volunteering, I'm doing a lot with Campus Life, I'm spending time with the kind of people Jesus would spend time with, I'm getting enough sleep, I'm getting work, etc, etc, etc. But in all of this I have such little time to spend with Jesus because I'm too busy convincing myself and everyone else that I am Jesus.

To be like Jesus means to make everyone happy, right? Wrong! However, I can't seem to convince myself of that. I can't say no. It's like deep down I either believe that every opportunity to do a "good deed" is divine providence, or I believe my worth comes from people liking me and stroking my Christian pride. I'd bet it's both, but far more the latter than the former.

I am overwhelmed with stress, and yet when I step back and look at my life... yes, I'm quite busy... but not as busy as I feel. I sincerely believe that I am destroying my spirit by being a control freak and not taking a day of rest. I haven't taken a Sabbath quite some time. I haven't poured over the Word like I should and like I used to. I believe that if I don't do something, it won't be done right. And for some reason I believe that deadlines are just that, a timeframe where if I do not accomplish a task by its required date, somebody else or myself will indeed DIE! It's common sense really, considering that I am the most important man in the world.

I've known about this problem. I've done a lot of pondering over a simple answer. I have wallowed in the waters of my discontent, barely stirring toward the obvious solution of that which my heart shreiks in indignation over.

Tonight, at the near pinnacle of guilt, stress, and unsatisfaction, I took a few minutes to watch this Nooma video I had not viewed yet. I had no idea what the subject of it was, and it spoke very directly to the issue I am facing. My hands are so full of stuff I want to do, that I'm largely ignoring the purpose God has called me to.

I'm not going to say that everything Rob Bell says is completely without flaw, but the idea is very true, even if the connotation of the wording is slightly misleading at times.

Maybe you're in a similar place I'm at, and need to lose control. Maybe you're in a healthier place and can give a word or two of advice and encouragement to those like me, prone to relying on works and not on grace and peace. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith, he is the One Thing.

Shalom

Letter To A Son

I've mentioned this author, Matthew Paul Turner before. He's a really neat guy, from what I've deducted from his books, videos, and blog posts. What distinguishes him from many other authors is his complete transparency. He is never afraid to bring forth his hopes, fears, mistakes, wisdom, embarrassments, triumphs, observations, and questions in a way that makes me feel like he's a good friend looking out for me.

He is now a father to be and wrote a letter to his son expressing the things he anticipates in their relationship to come. It's honest and close to the hopes and concerns that I have anytime I think of me one day being a father. I thought my reader(s) may enjoy it.