Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The Apocalypse Is In Your Hands, And On Your PC

I received an e-mail Tuesday with the title of "Every Christian will ant one." I figured it was a Jesus figurine keychain that squirts wine. To my surprise it was not a Jesus figurine keychain that squirts wine. This item was even more necessary.

Left Behind: The Video Game!!!

At long last, now I can live the end days as they occur, before they occur. I suppose I can watch all my sinner friends get destroyed by the reaction to a sudden disappearance of millions of Christians. Then I can watch my friends get destroyed by all the natural (and not so natural) disasters. After that I'll watch my friends get destroyed by the Anti-Christ. Most exciting, I can watch my friends get destroyed by the final battle. And when it's all said and done, the bonus level lets you see all the heathens left after that time get dropped into the lake of fire. All how the Bible vividly describes. It's really fun for all ages, and a refreshing rest from all of the violence and hate that has plagued our video games recently.

I wonder if the is a first person POV game where you are the Anti-Christ or his evil henchmen.
I'm especially enthralled by the rave reviews!

"one of the geniuses of the Left Behind game is that it gives gamers a chance to see the consequences of poor decisions ...we're pretty excited to see that the Left Behind games were designed to provide positive moral input to a youthful generation which would otherwise not hear it"
- Dallas Anderson of Billy Graham Evangelical Association

"The game kinda rocks!...Few are as ambitions and polished as this PC title."
- Darren Gladstone of Wired

I'm so glad we're leaving this fake reality full of illusion and lies for the security of God's Word found in the Left Behind series. It's almost like you don't need the Bible... and now, it's almost like you don't even need a book at all.

So remember, JESUS SAVES some, and kills the rest.

If you're as interested in the game as I, or just want to keep it out of the hands of children you can go here to try to get a copy for free.

3 comments:

JonathanDamico said...

coming soon...."Jesus:the game" play as the Lord in this first person shooter. Heal the lame, cast out demons and maneuver your savior all the way to Golgotha. Can you beat death? Only one way to find out.
Play on the Wii and add the fishing net attachment to your nunchuck for some sweet first century fishing action!!

Only on PS3: Unlock the "Trash the temple" bonus board. Show how tough your Jesus can be....

In sure its in production...

JonathanDamico said...

seriously, Christian product marketing is amazing. The stuff they can get away with. For instance:
"Your Best Life Now": The board game. 30-40 bucks...
books at suggested retail price.
Cds for more than 10 bucks.
DVDs on SALE for 27. A NORMAL DVD!!!
prayer of jabez for fishermen, singles, pilots, people with webbed toes, people with webbed fingers (two different prayers) jabez for dogs, ferrets, teens with self esteem issues, popular kids, vegans and even jabez for jazz flutists. The sad part... We buy them.

Stephen P said...

Yeah, you'd at least think "Christian" pricing would be lower. I mean we're supposed to be family right? And what ever happened to the parable about the dude building extra silos to hold all his stuff?

I never got past book 4 of the Left Behind series... how did it end?

If they had a Jesus video game I bet you'd have to "Resist the mana" at one point. I just see loaves of bread falling from the sky and you have to maneuver without touching them. "Man does not live on bread alone!" Ugh, I want Jesus back.